We have all had it happen. The love of our life that didn’t return our feelings. Our spouse who let us down through infidelity or death. The child who did not rise to our expectations. Our friend or co-worker who let us down in a time of need.

We have all experienced such heartbreak, disappointment, and devastation. The good news is we can do something about it and that something depends on us, not the so-called perpetrator.

How you might ask? It has to do with perception — OUR PERCEPTION — of the situation. This means doing things to change our mind as to how we look at the situation so we can maintain our happy or positive mood.

Let me give you some examples:

Separate their action from your love or affection for them.

Take the imagined scenario of your spouse committing an act of adultery. You are terribly hurt and believe your marriage is on the brink of dissolving. However, if you take the action and separate it from the person, you will be able to still love them, but not agree with their actions. This doesn’t mean you will or will not stay together. Instead, it means you are able to love them without condoning their actions.

Acknowledge everyone is on their own path.

This means when a person lets you down, it is a way for them to learn and grow. By making this mistake, it allows them to realize the consequences of their action. If everyone acted perfectly all the time, what would there be to learn? Actually, our lives would be pretty darn boring. Realize that others are on their own path of learning, just as you are. You have made mistakes too, so acknowledge that they are allowed to do so as part of their life experience.

Realize their action may not have anything to do with you.

It likely has more to do with them, the trials they are experiencing, and what they need to learn to be a better person in the long run.

Practice the art of forgiveness.

You may have heard it before: forgiving is not for the person who misbehaved. It is for the person affected by their actions. Forgiving is for you. This allows you to let go of your negative feelings and move on with your life without being consumed with emotional turmoil. Learning to forgive is an artform but it is one that we can all learn to do, even if we don’t consider ourselves to be “artsy.” Try to look at the big picture. Try to look at why the person did whatever they did and realize their action most likely had nothing to do with you. Forgiving tends to soften your heart and you learn to be kinder, more loving, and a better person.

React with kindness.

By putting aside your hurt and pain and acting with kindness, you are showing that you can behave above the fracas. Others will observe your behavior. In turn, they realize that uncomfortable situations can still be handled with grace.

Sometimes people do things that are immoral or ‘bad’ because they have internal issues, especially those of self-doubt and unworthiness.

When they observe someone being kind to them even though they have ‘misbehaved’, they may start to believe that they are still loved, and they are valuable or worthy individuals. This aids greatly in their personal growth and development.

Be grateful.

Be grateful for the time you had with the person and how they blessed your life so far. Realize that this one event does not take all those good memories away. Realize you still have much to be grateful for. Being grateful will change the way you feel and subsequently change the way you act towards this person. You will be a shining example to others of how to rise above turmoil and seemingly devastating events. This is important not just for you and the person involved; it is also good for the rest of society because they see how you can still be a nice person and rise above a terrible event.

Spend some time on self-reflection.

If you are unable to move on past this event, look to yourself. Are you holding on to this pain or grudge to punish yourself? Are you doing this because you feel unworthy and deserve such treatment? Maybe the problem is you and your interpretation of the events. Perhaps, you are taking it much too personally. Don Miguel Ruiz, author of the Four Agreements, warns us not to take things too personally because other people’s actions seldom have anything to do with us. How we respond to their actions is the part that does have to do with us. That’s the part that is totally within our control because we can change how we behave.

The next time you experience heartbreak, disappointment, or devastation, seemingly due to the actions of another, remember you have control over how you respond to the situation. Strive to do so with dignity, grace, and kindness, just like you would want others to behave towards you.

And Why You Should Think About it Now

What if life as we know it could change on a dime? What if it was totally within our power and capabilities to do so?

Would you be willing? Would you help? Do you even want to see our relationships, our country and even our world change to a place of peace and understanding?

If you do desire this outcome (and quite frankly we all should), then I invite you to try to view life through the eyes of LOVE.

But how will that work and what does that even mean?

It means seeking understanding with others verses blame.

It means stepping into their shoes and trying to understand why they act in a certain way or say certain things. You will likely discover that they are merely responding to FEAR.

Fear is a normal human emotion, but it can be transcended. What? What does that even mean and more importantly — How can one do it?

Fear can be transcended and actually transmitted into Love. It takes awareness. It takes boldness, and it takes relentless effort.

You see, once we realize that FEAR is the emotion behind our actions or the actions of others, we can choose to look at life differently.

We can recognize fear and do something about it. We can be understanding. We can decide to change our belief from FEAR to UNDERSTANDING. Then we can take that understanding and try to figure out what lesson we are to learn.

For example, perhaps a person:

  • bad-mouths another
  • blames another
  • elicits hate towards another

These are merely examples of FEAR. Unfortunately at present, there are many people operating from a place of FEAR.

If understanding were more prevalent, perhaps people would realize, for example:

  • Joe is fearful of losing his rights so he lashes out at others
  • Maria is fearful of her health so she blames others.
  • Cathy is fearful of losing her money so she lashes out at others.
  • Michael is fearful of losing his business so he lashes out at government officials

All are very real worries, especially to those concerned. Their worries and fears and lashing out are not helpful though. It just leads to more fears, and mounting ones at that.

Instead we should seek to understand the fears of others, offer them support however we can. Make suggestions or at least try to open their eyes to other solutions instead of remaining stuck in their negative or fear-based thinking, This should be done gently, not with an air of superiority.

Basically, it would be operating from a place of love. Be kind. Be supportive. Just love those who are fearful. Eventually, they might just feel the love and it could soften their worries and absolve their fears.

Just think — by your kind and loving example, you could help put their fears at ease.

This is a simplified version, but worthy of contemplation, for we are ALL much more powerful than we can even imagine.

Our small acts of kindness and understanding can transmute the fear of others, eventually into love, for LOVE is the strongest force in the Universe. It is LOVE that will save us. It is love that will raise the consciousness of mankind, change the world and lift us up to a higher level of being.

We all have one….you know, that nagging voice in your head that says things like:

  • You can’t do it!
  • Who do you think you are?
  • Nobody has done that before!
  • You’ll never make it!
  • You dream too big!

Psychologists know we all have this going on in our heads. You should know it’s going inside your head too. It can be referred to as self-doubt or your inner voice, but I want to point out to you that this is merely your own LIMITING BELIEFS.

A limiting belief is a thought or idea that we have been exposed to and have accepted as ‘truth’, but it isn’t really true. It is merely a thought that we have adapted as our own. Our own "gospel" or "truth" as it were.

These thoughts/limiting beliefs come from our life experiences. Perhaps your parents passed along this belief to you. Maybe their parents passed along the belief to them. That nagging voice is reinforcing these beliefs such as: money is evil, rich people get rich off the backs of the poor, or our family always does X (insert go to college, work in the fields, does/doesn’t eat a specific food), or a myriad of other statements.

Perhaps your teacher or coach said something to you so you started to believe you weren’t good at math, or you’d never make the sports team.

Maybe your life experiences were such that led you to believe you were not good at business, riding a horse, or college. You failed once so you told yourself you just weren’t any good at it.

We take these beliefs and adopt them as our own, often unconsciously. If you really examine your life and your current beliefs, you will undoubtedly find many ‘beliefs’ you thought were ‘true’, but actually have just been passed down to you or adopted by you as the truth.

If you want to live your best life, it is imperative to evaluate your hidden beliefs and figure out which ones are really true. Chances are they are ‘limiting beliefs’ and as such are limiting your life. They are holding you back from making those daring changes to your life, taking that chance to dream big and do something you always wanted but didn’t think you could do!

Toss out those limiting beliefs. Get some new ones, such as:

  • I can do anything I want in life.
  • The world is my oyster.
  • I can rewrite the next chapter of your life.
  • I am the commander of your ship.
  • My life is what I make it.
  • It’s never too late to live my best life.

A change in your beliefs will lead to a change in your actions, which will quiet that nagging voice and get you closer to living the life you have imagined.

Do you feel broken? Are you waiting for someone special? Maybe you don’t understand why God is denying you this great gift.

Then this excerpt is for YOU! It is one of the lessons from Janie J’s Volume II of The New I AM Document, not yet published. (NOTE: Janie J is a spirit medium who channels these messages from Ascended Masters to help raise the consciousness of humanity.) Read Lesson 172 — “Loving Another” HERE:

Lesson 172 | Loving Another

Sometimes, we feel broken. Broken in two. Nothing will suffice but the love of a great one. One who seems lost.

But we must remember we always have God which is the essence of the person we so love and have seemingly lost.

Actually, the person is not lost to us, but rather on their own path of healing and discovery, which is something we all must go through.

Should one person be ready for a relationship, but another is not, then there will be trials to test the relationship and to help them to learn and grow into the beings they are meant to be.

Do not be distressed when these times come about. Just know or understand that these situations occur to aid in the growth of one or both members, leading each to the place of understanding they are meant to be.

God’s way is not often the way humans wish or desire, but it is the best way to reach the desired outcome which is for all mankind or humankind to realize the degree to which we are all connected.

Even your breath has an impact on another for it is the air they cannot breathe in. Every part of you, no matter how small does truly, indeed, affect another.

The New I AM Document Volume 1 is available on Amazon.

As I sit quietly each morning, my mind wanders to the future and then scurries to the past.

This is not what God intended.

Instead, he urges us to make this moment last.

Try it and you’ll like it.

For it’s a new way to be.

It’s called being in the moment or in “harmony.”

Life is to enjoy, sweet one for you and all creatures.

Try this method and reap all its features.

End
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Want to write your own guided poems, books or music? Learn how Janie J receives this guidance and use it to be more creative in every part of your own life. 

Only when you speak your truth can you start living your best life!

Why would you want to speak your truth? It's hard.

Your mind probably tells you things like others won’t like me, they won’t relate, or worse yet – they will ostracize me.

As humans we have a natural desire to fit in. Think back to the first groups of human, more like tribes. If we didn’t ‘fit in’ we were left out on our own to most-likely succumb to nature or the evils of another tribe. Hence our deep desire to go along with the crowd.

But times have changed as mankind has evolved.

People are getting bolder with speaking out. They are starting to say, “Hey, I AM different, but I still belong. I still have value.”

This is where we all need to be. It will take time, but hopefully not the eons it has taken us to get this far. The sooner humanity adopts this type of mindset, the better – for all of us!

Why Speaking Your Truth is Important

What does speaking your truth mean and how does you do it?

It means setting boundaries, so others know how to treat you. I am talking about the nurturing syndrome of many, especially women, who feel the need to help others all the time without any concern of their own time, talent, or wishes.

When you start to set boundaries, you will be met with resistance, but proceed, nonetheless. This is the only way other people will finally realize that you were not put on this Earth to meet their every whim or desire.

Setting boundaries means not being available to work overtime, baby sit, volunteer for yet another PTA activity, or do the whole household’s laundry. I am not saying don’t ever do these things, but don’t do them unless you really want to!

Setting boundaries can also mean not putting up with ill behavior of others. If they lie, yell, or threaten you, feel free to point that out to them. Yelling back is not necessary. In fact, it’s much better to remain calm because yelling is likely to upset them further. Just explain you don’t like being treated that way. Distance yourself from such individuals.

Same thing for those people who are habitually late, never have money to pay the tab, or expect you to change all your plans to accommodate them.

There are plenty of nice people on the planet, go find some of them!

Speak your truth means being proud of yourself!

Forget how you were raised to be quiet, sit in the corner and shut up. Instead, practice telling yourself that you are proud of yourself for accomplishing XYZ activity. Look in the mirror. Repeat it over and over until it sinks in, and you believe it.

To younger folks, this activity may sound ridiculous, but to older folks, especially women, it makes perfect sense. We were raised to sit on the sidelines.

Once you’ve mastered speaking up for yourself, you can craft the process of when to mention these tidbits. To be a total braggart will not win you any friends, but practice how to respond with your accomplishments when it’s appropriate. (I know after giving yourself that big pep talk, it might seem counterintuitive to try to hold back, but it is the best course of action.)

For example, if you meet up with some friends and they ask what you have been up to, then it’s a great time to say you are practicing for a half marathon in a few months, and now you can run at X pace, which means you are on track to meet your goal of finishing the event.

It will improve your self esteem to be able to share your wins with others. It’s like getting a star in kindergarten or getting that high five sign or confetti on one of your phone apps. Dopamine hits do work!

Another step to speaking your truth is learning to ignore the naysayers, Debbie Doubters, or the Excuse Committee. We all know who these well-meaning people are. They are the ones who deflate every idea we produce. They have more excuses than "Carter has little pills." (If you get that reference, you definitely know what I've been saying about how we were taught.)

You absolutely must learn to ignore their comments, let it go in one ear and out the other, or perfect the art of being like "Teflon" as I call it. This is when you don’t let their negative remarks stick to you. You just say something to deflect their statement, like, “I know it’s a lofty goal, but I can do it.” If you remember that those who vocalize the loudest distain for your ideas or the same ones too afraid to even try, it will keep things in perspective.

Eventually you will need to quit caring about what others say or think. You were not put here to please them; you were put here to learn how to live your best life! This is a huge step in most people’s lives. It might only take you until you are a teenager (good for you!), or it might not happen until your sixties (yep, that was me.)

It doesn’t matter when you learn not to care what others think but do learn it.

Unfortunately, some folks never learn it. I can promise it will be worth it! It is freeing to just answer to yourself and/or your higher power. This doesn’t mean you become an inconsiderate and selfish person.

On the contrary. You then have permission to learn how to live the best life you can imagine. You learn how to use your gifts. You learn how to make an impact on the world using your gifts to help others. You will get in touch with your life’s mission. It is a totally new way to live. You will be happier, more positive, kinder, and you will set an example for others because you will be a shining light to them.

You will be one of those who learn to speak your truth, thus making the world a better place for everyone!

"Your calling is not a conference call.

YESS!! I recently heard this statement from Emmanuel Acho (author of Uncomfortable Conversation with a Black Man) in an interview for Stephen Covey’s “On Leadership” podcast. It resonated with me and is a great lesson for everyone to embrace!

We all have hopes, dreams, goals, and (hopefully, someday) a mission in life. Your mission is often called a “calling,” something you feel compelled to do during your lifetime.

Often when we are hit with the clarity of what to do in life, we excitedly share it with others. They may not be nearly as enthused as we are. It’s not their goal, their mission, or their calling. They don’t think it’s such a great idea and will tell you numerous reasons why your idea won’t work and/or be a colossal failure. Don't invite them "onto the call" if they aren't fully invested in YOU.

Don’t listen to them! There are hundreds of naysayers for every good idea.

Remember this:

  • It’s easy to criticize the ideas of others. It is much easier than pursuing their own goals, in fact.
  • They don’t feel the same commitment as you do. They aren’t in tune with God’s plan for you. Only you can tune into that.
  • Your opinion of yourself and your capabilities is a far better indicator than the opinions of others.
  • Lastly, your calling is not a conference call. You should be following your feelings, your intuition, or (as some would say) your gut.

What if there were no mistakes in life?

What if, no matter which path you chose, it was not wrong, but instead led you right where you were supposed to be?

What kind of freedom would that give you? How much stress and anxiety would that take off your shoulders to know there is no such thing as a “mistake”?

My observation and reflections of life have brought to light that this is indeed true!

You see, those ‘detours’ or what others might call ‘mistakes’ are merely lessons, we are here to learn on our journey through life. Eventually, we all get back on the right path.

The other morning, I was out jogging in Pula, Croatia, making my way from the neighborhood to a walking/jogging path along the sea.

On the way back I was uncertain which way to go at the fork in the road. I picked one way. It turned out not to be the way I had ventured down to the sea. But it ended up back on the main road anyway.

 

The result -  I learned that each path would take me to the sea. Each path would take me back to the main road. And I found a new, different and equally as beautiful way. It made me feel bolder in my choices, more certain of myself, and not afraid of becoming ‘lost’.

 

 

It’s not just jogging in a new city where this applies. Think about your business life, your personal life and your spiritual or religious life. There is always more than one way to get where you want to be. Some would say the circuitous route is the one that led them to their greatest passion.

In business, it has been said that to fail fast and fail often is the quickest way to achieve your goals. Mistakes are often the quickest way to learn!

In personal growth, one is encouraged to reach outside our comfort zone so we can expand and more comfortably handle and enjoy our lives. Going out into the unknown will sometimes result in ‘mistakes’ or ‘lessons’, but that is all part of the growth process. We won’t grow at all if we don’t try.

It seems to me that the biggest mistake is not to stretch at all.

In spiritual or religious circles, the mantra is more of accepting that God or your higher power has a plan for us already and it’s up to us to discover and experience it.

With these thoughts in mind, why would we worry if we fail?? The worst that could happen is we’d be closer to where we want to be and will learn something along the way.

This brings me back to my point – if we knew we wouldn’t fail – what would we do?

I encourage you to be brave unafraid to fail and dream ‘What if?’ This is something we each need to learn to do.

Often people believe money solves everything and automatically leads to a happy life. Many of us grow up believing these types of thoughts.

There are two things amiss with this type of thinking. First, you are stating indirectly that you are not happy now. You are stating that your happiness is dependent on something else (having enough money). You are not appreciating where you are now. You are ignoring the happiness you have. You are not being happy in the present.

The other issue is the “if only” syndrome. We spend so much of our time telling ourselves that “if only I had more money” then I’d be happy. In this way, we are withholding our own happiness. We are using this excuse to avoid being happy now.

These types of behaviors and thoughts are common, but if we want to change them, we must first be aware of them! Some suggestions are telling yourself:

  • I am working towards my financial goals.

  • I appreciate my many blessings.

  • I am happy now as I work toward my goals.

  • I am proud of myself for working diligently towards the life I envision for myself.

REMEMBER THE VALUE OF MONEY IS NOT IN THE MONEY ITSELF. Rather, the value comes from what money can do to improve your life, such as save time or have an experience you will remember.

Choose wisely.

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